Have you ever found yourself saying, “I can’t do this”? I am guessing the answer to this is yes. I would guess this is something we have all said at some point in our lives.

Now I want you to think about the times you have said this when you were feeling anxious. Maybe you were anxious before giving a presentation. Maybe you were going on a date for the first time. Maybe you had to make small talk with an employee at a store.

For all my parents and caregivers, have you heard your child say this while feeling anxious? You watch them truly believe they can’t do something, but you see clearly they can.

Why do we say this?! Why do we believe this?!

As an anxiety therapist and mom of kids with anxiety, I see this daily. As an outsider, it is easy for me to see when someone is buying into the belief that they can’t do something. I say “buying into” because I truly do not believe they are not capable of doing whatever they are attempting to do. I believe this thought is a lie.

So why can I see it so clearly, but the person that is anxious does not?

Emotional Reasoning

In the anxiety world (and other areas of mental health), we call this emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is when we believe a thought simply because of what emotion we are experiencing. We assume that whatever we are thinking at that time is true.

For example, let’s say I am feeling anxious before giving a big presentation on mental health. My anxiety monster tells me, “If you mess up, everyone will laugh at you,” and “If other’s see you anxious, they will forever remember you as the therapist that was anxious and you will never be asked to speak again.” Simply because I am anxious, I will likely believe those things to be true. If I am in a calm state, I would be able to think more logically and question these worst case scenario thoughts.

Now, let’s say I misread a word on my slides during my presentation. I am feeling embarrassed. I have the thought, “You are such an idiot. How could you mess that up?” In that moment, I am likely to believe that I truly am an idiot. Why? Because I am emotionally reasoning!

Challenge time

I am challenging you to catch yourself when you are falling into this trap. That is the first step to making a change.

Change your language and encourage your child to do the same.

Also, please give my Instagram page a follow. I have been posting bonus content on there and I do not want you to miss it!

Here is a video I made in relation to this topic: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CYe7IrdpDkc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Xoxo,

Andrea