It’s World Kindness Day! I had no idea this even existed till last year! I am all about kindness!! Seriously, I am. Both in my personal and professional life. My kids hear about this daily from me. 

So how does kindness relate to anxiety?

Research has shown us that when we practice kindness, it can actually protect us from anxiety and even depression! Yes, being kind helps the person you are being kind to, but it also helps you! We obviously do not always have control over the things that cause us stress, and therefore can’t get rid of them, but being kind can help make our reaction to it less intense. I have read about brain studies that have shown kindness impacts the amygdala. That is a part of the brain that is associated with anxiety and fear. If you or your children are struggling with anxiety right now, go out and practice a kind act! Remind yourself that you are doing it for yourself too! You deserve it!! 

What about kindness to those who have not been kind to you?

I read a quote once from Heidi Powell that said, “Your greatest test will be how you handle the people who mistreated you.” I felt that. That is definitely a hard thing to do. It is obviously easier to be kind to those that have been kind to you. Remember that kindness, even if not reciprocated, can have positive benefits for your mental health. This does not apply to those of you that are physically or mentally abused, or are being taken advantage of. If this is the case, get out, you deserve better.  I understand this is easier said than done, but please know there are resources out there to help.

It is important to set boundaries and speak up to let the person who mistreated you know how you feel, and that you will not tolerate their behavior. If this person does not make changes, then that is likely not a healthy relationship for you to have. Especially if you can see the negative impact this is having on your mental health. Standing up for yourself preserves your self respect and can lead to less anxiety in your life. I see daily how hard it is for people struggling with anxiety to set boundaries with others. This is an important life skill to have. People do not need to understand your boundaries in order for you to set them. Boundaries are designed to protect yourself and your energy, not to punish other people.

What about kindness to yourself?

For me, this is the most important kindness of all! You do not speak to anyone as much as you speak to yourself. Why beat yourself up? Does this provide anything good for you? Think it motivates you to make change? The answer to both of those last questions would be “No” for me, and research would agree. When we are not kind to ourselves, it leaves us feeling worse than we already feel. This can also lead to the self-fulling prophecy, which is the outcome of a situation is influenced by our thinking. For example, if I tell myself, “I am stupid,” every time I make a mistake, I will start to believe this and then my behavior would start to reflect this (i.e., not volunteering to take on complex cases at work, give up easily on things). You see where I am going with this? It is so important that we practice self-compassion! You can do this by asking yourself, “What would I say to a friend in my situation?” or “What is it that I need right now?” The bottom line is that beating yourself up or shaming yourself is not only ineffective, but it is pointless and detrimental to your mental health.

You’ve got this!

xoxo,

Andrea