Okay, it is almost Thanksgiving! So let’s talk about common triggers for this holiday and how to handle them! We will cover setting expectations for the day, prepping for the holiday, and setting boundaries with others.

Expectations

Expectations are always best to set ahead of time! Trying to reason with people when they are heightened is not going to go well. If you have any concerns over illnesses such as COVID-19, RSV, or others, it is important that you discuss your concerns BEFORE Thanksgiving and not when everyone shows up!

My example from last year: Whether you are hosting Thanksgiving or going to another’s home, you ABSOLUTELY have the right to speak up about your concerns AND do what you believe is best for you. This involves open communication about what you are comfortable with! 

For example, let’s say Julie is hosting Thanksgiving inside, and she is not comfortable with unvaccinated people in her home. Julie can request that those coming are vaccinated, and those not comfortable with/cannot receive the vaccine get tested before they come. (Side note: While I am not a medical doctor, remember that testing only captures the moment you are getting tested. If you get the test and then go out in public for several days, those test results may no longer be accurate. Please consult with your medical doctor regarding this.)

Now, let’s say Julie is going to someone else’s home that does not share her views regarding COVID-19. Maybe you are thinking, “It’s not Julie’s home. She should have no say in it!” Well, I am going to disagree with you on that one. Julie CAN request that the host consider what Julie feels comfortable with. If the host is not willing to make changes to make Julie comfortable, then Julie can decide to stay home, join in virtually, show up in masks, eat in a separate room, etc. I think you get the point. Julie can only control Julie.

Knowing there is a plan in place that everyone has agreed upon can help reduce anxiety on Thanksgiving Day. Quick summary: Communicate your needs; if your needs are not met, change your plans. You only control YOU.

Stress of Preparing for the Holidays

Preparing for any holiday is stressful! Dealing with family members who have differing views than us is stressful! Now we are adding pressure for ourselves to make up for some not so great Thanksgiving the past few years?! I am exhausted just thinking about it!

First, you need to look at where this pressure is coming from. Are you putting it on yourself? Maybe you are thinking you have to make things extra special for your kids because they missed out the past one or two years. Let me tell you, kids are resilient. Maybe you are thinking you have to make things extra special for elderly family members, as this could be their last Thanksgiving with you. Do you really think they want to see you stressed because of them?

Is someone else putting this pressure on you? Please know this is an issue with THEM and NOT you. If you don’t believe that, keep saying it to yourself until you do.

Regardless of where this is coming from, you are only one person and can only do so much. I believe no preparation for a holiday should be to the point where it takes a toll on your mental health. It can be difficult to ask for help when we need it, especially for those of us that struggle with anxiety or perfectionism. I am giving you permission to ask for help!! I am challenging you to ask for it if you need it!! This does not mean you have failed in some way. It means you are doing what you need to in order to protect your mental health!

If what you need to do is manageable on your own, I suggest you break larger tasks into smaller ones so that it is not as overwhelming.

Boundaries

Ah, good old boundaries. Let’s be real. This is something all of us have to use in life, and being with family or friends on the holidays can be a great time to use them.

So many hot topics this year that people are divided on and could be a source of debate (i.e., COVID-19, vaccines, politics, mask-wearing, Trump, Roe v Wade)! What are you not comfortable discussing? It is perfectly okay to say things like, “I won’t be discussing politics today” or “This conversation is making me uncomfortable so I will be removing myself from it now” or “I won’t respond to comments about my weight/future/love life.” You likely know the people you are spending time with enough to know who are good people to talk to (i.e., good listener) and those that are not (i.e., the person that always has to right, is not open to hearing other’s opinions, never says sorry) . Some tips:

• If you know you feel worse after getting into debates with certain individuals, then those are good people to avoid discussing hot topics with. If your start engaging in a conversation, and you notice it begins to trigger a big emotion in you, have a plan of how you will respond (i.e., breathing before responding, walking away, saying something like “I have nothing else to say”).
• If these conversations have proven to be useful in the past, then consider if it is worth it this year. If it is, use evidence-based questions and responses. Feelings are much easier to argue with.
• Watch your alcohol consumption. Introducing alcohol into a heated exchange will likely only make things worse. (Sorry, but it’s true)

More examples: Not comfortable with people hugging your children? You can say something like, “I do not force my children to hug anyone.” Worried about getting stuck where you are going for longer than you want to? You can say, “I will be leaving at 8pm and will not be staying any later than that.”

I talk a lot about focusing on what you have control over. In these situations, you only have control over yourself: your ability to communicate, and what food/drinks you consume.

Thoughts? Comment below!!!

If you choose to spend the day alone or that is your only choice, THAT IS OKAY. Thanksgiving can be whatever you want it to be!!! Just another day? Sure! Thursday? Sure! Thanksgiving? Sure! YOU DO YOU!!!!

Xoxo,

Andrea