When anxiety is taking over your life, figuring out where to get help can feel surprisingly overwhelming. You Google therapists. Then you see CBT, ERP, ACT, psychologists, counselors, psychiatrists, evaluations, medication management, neuropsychological testing…
And suddenly you’re wondering if you need a master’s degree just to figure out how to ask for help. Maybe you’ve already tried therapy and it didn’t work. Maybe you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is actually anxiety. Maybe you’re questioning whether ADHD, autism, OCD, or something else could be contributing.
Or maybe you’re a parent watching your child struggle and wondering: Do they need therapy? An evaluation? Medication? School accommodations? Or is this something that will pass on its own?
The truth is, you don’t always have to know exactly what you need before asking for help. But knowing where to start can make the process a lot less overwhelming.
Start With What’s Actually Happening
You don’t need to diagnose yourself before looking for support. Instead, start by asking yourself some basic questions.
First, ask yourself: What is happening that concerns me?
Maybe you’re constantly worrying. Maybe you’re having panic attacks. Maybe you’ve stopped doing things you used to enjoy. Maybe you’re avoiding driving, social situations, school, doctors’ appointments, or leaving the house. Maybe you’re spending hours researching symptoms or asking other people for reassurance. Maybe your child is suddenly refusing school, complaining of stomachaches, or becoming extremely distressed when separating from you. Start with the actual problem, not necessarily the diagnosis.
Next, ask yourself: What Is Anxiety Getting in the Way Of?
Anxiety becomes especially important to address when it starts making decisions for you. Think about what anxiety has changed.
Has it affected your:
Relationships?
School?
Work?
Sleep?
Parenting?
Social life?
Ability to travel?
Ability to drive?
Physical health?
Daily routines?
Maybe you technically can still function, but you’re exhausted from how much effort it takes. Maybe you’re doing everything, but only with an enormous amount of stress, overthinking, reassurance-seeking, or preparation. That matters too. You don’t have to wait until your life completely falls apart to get support.
Think About What You’ve Already Tried
This can be really helpful information. Have you tried therapy before Medication? Meditation? Exercise? Avoiding stressful situations? Reading every anxiety book available? Watching approximately 4,000 TikTok’s about your symptoms?
Next, it’s worth asking: What have I already tried, and what happened?
If therapy didn’t help before, that doesn’t necessarily mean therapy isn’t helpful for you. It may mean the approach wasn’t right. For example, maybe you spent years talking about why you’re anxious but never addressed avoidance. Maybe you learned coping skills but didn’t understand how reassurance-seeking was
maintaining your anxiety. Maybe OCD wasn’t recognized and you were receiving general anxiety treatment. Maybe ADHD-related challenges were contributing to chronic stress and overwhelm.
Sometimes the question isn’t:
“Why didn’t therapy work?”
Sometimes it’s:
“Were we treating the right thing?”
You Don’t Always Need to Know Your Diagnosis
This is something I wish more people understood. You don’t need to walk into a therapist’s office and announce:
“Hello. I have generalized anxiety disorder with a side of panic disorder and potentially undiagnosed ADHD.”
You can simply say:
“Something isn’t working, and I need help figuring it out.”
That’s enough. Of course, understanding whether someone meets criteria for a particular diagnosis can sometimes be helpful. Diagnoses can guide treatment and help people access appropriate services and accommodations. But the diagnosis shouldn’t be the only thing anyone is looking at. Two people with “anxiety” may need very different treatment approaches.
Consider What Type of Professional You Need
This is where things can get confusing. Depending on your concerns, you may benefit from different types of support.
A therapist may be helpful if you need:
Treatment for anxiety
Help with panic attacks
OCD treatment
Support reducing avoidance
Emotional regulation strategies
Parenting support
Help with school anxiety
Exposure-based treatment
Strategies for managing everyday challenges
An evaluation may be helpful if you’re questioning:
ADHD
Autism
Learning differences
Cognitive concerns
Other developmental or psychological factors
A psychiatrist or prescribing provider (i.e., APRN) may be helpful if:
You’re interested in discussing medication
Your symptoms are significantly interfering with daily life
You’re already taking medication and need ongoing management
School support may be important if:
Your child is struggling academically, behaviorally, socially, or emotionally in the school environment.
This might involve speaking with teachers, school counselors, psychologists, or exploring whether accommodations or additional support are appropriate.
And sometimes? You may need more than one type of support. Therapy and medication can work together. Therapy and school accommodations can work together. An evaluation can provide useful information that helps guide therapy. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
Look for Someone Who Understands Your Specific Concerns
Once you have a general idea of what you’re looking for, try to get specific. Not every therapist who treats anxiety treats every type of anxiety. If you’re struggling with OCD, look for someone with experience in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). If panic attacks are your primary concern, look for someone who understands panic and exposure-based treatment. If your child is refusing school because of anxiety, look for someone familiar with anxiety-based school avoidance. If you’re wondering whether ADHD or autism may be contributing to your anxiety, look for a professional who understands the overlap rather than automatically assuming everything is anxiety.
You don’t necessarily need someone who has experienced exactly what you’re experiencing. But you do want someone who understands the patterns involved.
Don’t Ignore the Bigger Picture
Sometimes anxiety is the primary issue. Sometimes it isn’t. For example, someone with ADHD may experience chronic anxiety because everyday life feels constantly overwhelming. They may be behind on tasks, forgetting things, struggling with time management, and constantly worried that they’ve missed something important. The anxiety is real. But simply teaching relaxation skills may not solve the executive functioning problems contributing to it.
Similarly, autistic individuals may experience significant anxiety related to sensory overload, unexpected changes, social demands, or navigating
environments that feel unpredictable. Social anxiety can also be more complicated than simply being afraid of judgment. Sometimes someone genuinely doesn’t know what to say in conversations or lacks confidence navigating social situations. This is why I think it’s important not to automatically stop at: “You have anxiety. Let’s treat the anxiety.” Sometimes we need to ask: Why is the anxiety happening?
Ask Potential Providers Questions
You are allowed to ask questions before committing to therapy. In fact, I encourage it.
You might ask:
What is your experience treating my specific concern?
What approach do you typically use?
Do you use CBT or exposure-based therapy?
Do you treat OCD with ERP?
Have you worked with children or adults with similar concerns? How structured is treatment?
How do you measure progress?
What happens if you think I need a different type of support?
You aren’t being difficult. You’re trying to make an informed decision about your care.
What If You’re Still Not Sure Where to Start?
Honestly, this is incredibly common. Sometimes people don’t need therapy right away. They need help figuring out whether therapy is what they need. Maybe you’re questioning whether you should pursue an ADHD or autism evaluation. Maybe you’re a parent trying to decide whether your child’s anxiety is developmentally normal or whether professional support would be helpful. Maybe you’ve been through several therapists and don’t understand why nothing seems to stick. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by all of the different options and don’t know who to call first.
That’s exactly why I created my Care Navigation service. Care Navigation is not therapy and isn’t meant to replace a diagnostic evaluation or ongoing mental health treatment. Instead, it’s an opportunity to sit down, organize what’s going on, ask questions, and think through potential next steps. Sometimes you don’t need another person telling you to “just find a therapist.” Sometimes you need help figuring out which direction actually makes sense.
You Don’t Have to Have Everything Figured Out
The mental health system often makes people feel like they’re supposed to know exactly what they need before they ask for help. But that’s unrealistic. You wouldn’t expect someone with a complicated medical problem to automatically know which specialist they need before speaking to anyone. Mental health can be just as complicated. You are allowed to start with questions. You are allowed to say you aren’t sure. You are allowed to change direction if something isn’t working. And you are allowed to ask for help figuring out what comes next.
The Bottom Line
If anxiety is affecting your life, you don’t need to have a diagnosis or a perfectly organized plan before seeking support. Start by identifying what’s happening and how it’s affecting your daily life. Consider what you’ve already tried. Look for professionals who understand your specific concerns. And don’t be afraid to ask questions about treatment approaches, evaluations, medication, or other available support. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t getting help. It’s figuring out where to begin. And if that’s where you are right now, you’re not behind. You’re just at the beginning.
Not Sure What Your Next Step Should Be?
I offer virtual therapy for anxiety and OCD for children, teens, and adults throughout Connecticut and New York.
I also offer Care Navigation consultations, available more broadly, for individuals and families who are trying to make sense of their concerns and explore potential next steps.
Whether you’re questioning ADHD, autism, anxiety, OCD, school concerns, previous treatment experiences, or simply wondering where to start, you don’t have to figure everything out alone. I’ve got you!
Your cheerleader,
Andrea